You have very strong claims to show what masculinity means to South Asian men. You mention how men like to dominate their women, how they have problems with sexual identity, and that they appear strong and religious. What I want to know is what is the overall claim you want to make about South Asian masculinity? In other words, what is your thesis? You can use your main points and create an overall idea that you believe is the role of masculinity in South Asian men. Usually your thesis should be the last sentence in your introduction paragraph to help the reader understand what you are going to prove in your essay. The first sentence of each paragraph (topic sentence) works like a thesis; it tells your reader what that paragraph is going to be about. The rest of the information in that paragraph should support your topic sentence. For example, your first topic sentence, “South Asian Males like to be dominant over woman” is a strong statement and the information in that paragraph should only be about that claim. MLA in-text citations should include the author’s last name and quotation marks “...” only if you are using the exact words the author used, followed by the page number in brackets (67) at the end of your sentence. Otherwise, if you put the authors words into your own words you don’t need quotation marks or a page number, just the author’s name. For example, in your second paragraph about dominance over women your sentence should look like this: According to Osella, “Modernity offers those who are not from traditional land-owning communities...” (67). Additionally, every time you use a quote in a sentence you should tell the reader where that quote was taken from, even if it is from the same place you used in the sentence before. As readers, we can not be sure that it is from the same source. You have a good beginning and this essay can be further developed by using your topic sentences as a starting point. Just to start with I would suggest that you find evidence to support each of your topic sentences. Research articles that support the point you want to make. As this essays develops, it will make your thesis clearer for you and the reader. Good luck!
You have very strong claims to show what masculinity means to South Asian men. You mention how men like to dominate their women, how they have problems with sexual identity, and that they appear strong and religious. What I want to know is what is the overall claim you want to make about South Asian masculinity? In other words, what is your thesis? You can use your main points and create an overall idea that you believe is the role of masculinity in South Asian men. Usually your thesis should be the last sentence in your introduction paragraph to help the reader understand what you are going to prove in your essay.
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence of each paragraph (topic sentence) works like a thesis; it tells your reader what that paragraph is going to be about. The rest of the information in that paragraph should support your topic sentence. For example, your first topic sentence, “South Asian Males like to be dominant over woman” is a strong statement and the information in that paragraph should only be about that claim.
MLA in-text citations should include the author’s last name and quotation marks “...” only if you are using the exact words the author used, followed by the page number in brackets (67) at the end of your sentence. Otherwise, if you put the authors words into your own words you don’t need quotation marks or a page number, just the author’s name. For example, in your second paragraph about dominance over women your sentence should look like this: According to Osella, “Modernity offers those who are not from traditional land-owning communities...” (67). Additionally, every time you use a quote in a sentence you should tell the reader where that quote was taken from, even if it is from the same place you used in the sentence before. As readers, we can not be sure that it is from the same source.
You have a good beginning and this essay can be further developed by using your topic sentences as a starting point. Just to start with I would suggest that you find evidence to support each of your topic sentences. Research articles that support the point you want to make. As this essays develops, it will make your thesis clearer for you and the reader. Good luck!